You're my little dorito
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
