Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
