There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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