Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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