i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
