C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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