checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
