my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
