That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
