so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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