I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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