god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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