she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
