Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
