its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
