Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
