She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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