I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
