I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
