I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
