do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
