"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We're like a lot better than the average bears
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
