I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
