actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This toilet bowl is my home.
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