There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
