Don't you send me to vm
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
