How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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