I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
