we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I lost the right to judge tonight
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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