I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
