my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
