if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
