just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
