even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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