she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
