i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
