good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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