ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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