I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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