I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
