oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
