All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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