so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
