I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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