so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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