Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
