Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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