Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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