Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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