sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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