The maid of honor just puked.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
