walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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