its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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