All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
