what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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